Dearest Readers,
It's been a while and I would like to apologise for that firstly. Sometimes, I think I have a lot to apologise for but that’s my own niggling problem… and I’m sure, non of your concern.
So where to begin?.. Alphabetically? Or Chronologically?..
I suppose Chronologically has logically in it for a reason. And in the immortal words of Julie Andrews;
“Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.”
1) Bridemaid
So, I left you on the 9th of January… Since then I’ve been a bridesmaid and in remembrance of the fine occasion was given a pocket watch .. in return getting a pre-wedding day of pampering, for wearing a lovely dress, and having a big lavish meal with unlimited social lubricant (booze).
I blooming loved it! It was a marvellous day and great venue. The only thing better than the love in the bride’s and groom’s hearts and eyes for each other, as they embarked on their live long journey of love…was the cake (four layers.. of an array of different fillings.. all different! That’s nothing shy of madness!).
2) Dating
I had my first real proper and legitimate ‘booty call’ with ‘Master’, the guy who whips/spanks me but I’ve not seen him in weeks, and don’t miss him. I just feel...ambivalent I suppose. Which takes me on to my next topic... due to this alphabetical nature of my organisational schematic… dating.. see above!
Starting dating and generally been quite frivolous! I’ve been on an internet dating site. At first I thought of all the stigmas of internet dating and thought of what that would entail and … what would be wrong with them? And what’s wrong with me?!
But then I relaxed and realised it was all fun. www.okcupid.com; it was given to me by
Of course though, as soon as I started looking at the options available in cyberspace.. in realspace people were presenting themselves. At one point I was even juggling 4 possible love interests. I would like to clarify.. I’m not sleeping with any of them, at this point at least, I’m not more than 4 dates with any and don’t see the point in rushing.
But I feel like I’m surrounded by; games. That I don’t know how to play… Rules… and some toolmonger has klepto’d my rulebook… and perhaps I’ll die alone.
In all seriousness.
It’s taken me 21 years to love and accept myself; I always say the wrong things, will always be a little bit fat, will always let people take advantage of my good nature and simple mind.. It’s taken me 21 years.. who’s to say anyone else will wait that long?
3) Derbyshire
I was all girly. And I’m not usually that girly; I like geeky things like Dr who, and find farting and dirty jokes hilarious! So when me and my sensible friend Lisa went up to visit Grace... who have to say is nothing short of Wales’ answer to Bree Van Der Kamp… this was the chance to be girly and go shopping and eat cake and talk about boys.
It was snowing, so I made a snow angel and because it was inevitable, being a clumsy bean as I am, I fell over. I had a spot under my arm and it hurt and I was told not to worry by Lisa.
4) Surgery
The week passed uneventfully apart from the spot hurt and got bigger. It was Nadim’s Birthday (he’s my tall Egyptian workmate who speaks French) an I bought him gifts and he was really quite emotional about it.. saying that I didn’t have to and that he was really thankful. Of course on that same day when he yawned I but my knuckle in his mouth and he freaked out (he’s a touch of a germaphobe... on of the gifts I bought him was hand sanitizer). Anyway his thankful-ness was largely reduced.
I had a few dates that week and inevitably put two men on the short road to disliking me. I also got my lumped checked out.. turns out it was an abscess. Got it checked on the Monday…had it cut out under general anaesthetic on the Wednesday and here I am on the Sunday with at least a week off work ahead of me... and loads of painkillers… painkillers that knock me off my feet! Make me all sedate and docile, numb enough that if a hobo smacked me across the face with a pipe I may not be able to feel it and make all conversation uncompressible to follow. (What did you say? :S)
And finally, a wound that apparently looks like a mouth (with a cupids bow and everything), that needs packing and dressing everyday for at least three weeks!
Final Conclusion;
So here I am sat in the conservatory as my no-good-nick of an older brother hot boxes the Gazebo at the bottom of the garden with 4 of his quite hot friends. Not a moment ago did we have a dealer ring our doorbell like FREAKING PIZZA DELIVERY BOY IN A BAD PORN FILM.
And I lament over all of the information above.
All of these things make me think; is it me?
Why do boys I like, never like me? And the ones who do, I don’t?
Why don’t I feel close to anyone. It’s as though I’ve never had a close relationship in my life; friend, romantic or otherwise. Everything seems so superficial and dull. I’m bored.
So.. do I change?
Clean living? Yawn.
Excerise? Pass the cake.
Hobbies? Pass the TV remote.
To Do;
Motivate self to pass driving test/ volunteer at Radio station.
Give up smoking for lent… Jesus, Mary and Joseph that's gunna be a bitch.
Have more orgasms.
Thankyou for reading,
Your Ever Gracious Host,
Vixen xox
Today's song is someonewhat cliched!
its Coldplay-Fix You.. just for the 'you get what you want but not what you need' lyric.
I get some cake and a kiss. I need to be told to go for a run.. and a punch in the face!
but for some reason I'm 'endearing' because i babble and am a goofy dofus..
ergo.. no one will punch me in th face.
fuck me, I've tried to provoke some.
Today's joke is a tounge twister i want you to memmorsie and say outloud;
one smart fellow, he felt smart.
two smart fellows, they both felt smart.
three smart fellows; they all felt smart.
